If young people knew how to problem-solve, trust themselves, and be kind before they became phone owners, smartphones wouldn’t be anywhere near as problematic as they can be. Great news: a midwestern dad with no axe to grind has done middle-school parents and educators everywhere a solid. He's compiled a list of tasks that 9- to 14-year-olds should complete before becoming phone owners. We believe his list could be a simple solution to one of parents’ (and schools!) most pressing concerns. Here's why.
"The 50 Things" is easy to read, understand, and complete.
There are 62 days between July 1st and September 1st, after which most kids return to school. That’s enough time for your family to work through all fifty of the tasks suggested in “The Things You Have to Do Before I Buy You a Phone". But even if your child only gets through half of them before school starts, we're confident they'll have a better experience with Grade 5, 6, 7, 8, or 9. Why? Because the fifty tasks Mr. Ferguson describes not only prepare young people for the power and responsibility of having a phone (i.e., being able to communicate, distribute information, and/or images instantly), they help kids prepare for life.
Which tasks are our favorite?
It's difficult to say which of the 50 suggested tasks is our favorite. You’d think it would be number 48 (Save enough money to buy the phone yourself) or 49 (Manage that money in a bank or credit union), given our commitment to early financial education. But we appreciate most of them, and these six in particular:
- Task 16: Approach someone you don’t know well. We know this sounds counterintuitive, but the idea is to experience that “…people are unpredictable and complicated and don’t always respond the way we’d like” in school, where it’s safe to muster the courage to speak to someone you don’t know well.
- Task 20: Ask me five questions you want answers to. Here, Adam presents an opportunity for kids to learn that if they work hard on the questions they ask, respondents will tend to work hard on their answers.
- Task 25: Clean the bathroom. There’s no better teacher than firsthand experience, or as Mr. Ferguson says, “Touching the Gross teaches you, you can survive touching the Gross!”
- Task 31: Write me a letter. Writing is a way to show people how we think.
- Task 35: Care for an animal. An age-old way to teach kids that it’s not always...about them!
- Task 37: Tell me what’s going on in the world. Develop empathy by learning about the challenges others face.
What do these tasks accomplish collectively?
✅ Each task can leave your new or seasoned middle-school student more aware of how much effort even seemingly effortless things (such as dinner and laundry) require.
✅ Almost every task uncovers the benefits of patience and preparing for the day, week, month, or year ahead.
✅ Many of them help build confidence, compassion, or both.
✅ Two-thirds of them are entirely free.
✅ Only a handful require parental supervision.
⚡ None of them can make your child smaller-minded, meaner, or careless!
Share the book with the parents in your tribe.
We parent in tribes, so after you’ve read “The 50 Things”, why not give your copy to the friends and neighbors in yours, and then agree upon the subset of tasks your collective crew needs to complete before any of them becomes phone owners?
We all want our adult children to be able to make their way in the world without harming fellow citizens or the planet. As Mr. Ferguson understands, acquiring the life skills necessary for good relationships with others begins long before college or even high school. This is why his book strikes us as a terrific meeting place for all the Social Scientists, Regulators, Educators, and Parents working hard to come up with guidelines to ensure the cell phone returns to its initial promise: a tool humans can rely on to communicate in a way that improves their lives or the lives of others.
We're going to share it with colleagues at the Jump$tart NEC.
We’re taking copies of the book to the Jump$tart National Educator Conference (NEC) in Boston this November. Phone purchases are one of the most common items students evaluate with the DIMS-DOES IT MAKE SENSE SCORE® calculator; teachers tell us that parents often look to them for guidance on phone ownership and use. “The Things You Have to Do Before I Buy You a Phone” is sure to help.
Getting a phone is not just a purchase — it’s a life moment.
Getting a phone isn't just a purchase - it's a life moment. When handled well, it can teach judgment, planning, and self-regulation. When rushed or avoided, it can lead to consequential mishaps, conflict, confusion, and resentment. Thank you, Adam Ferguson, for creating a thoughtful read that can help families replace cell phone rules with readiness, between now and the end of the summer, if they so choose. What a gift. 🎁
Additional helpful reads on this topic:
- Jon Haidt, After Babel on Substack, "It's Never Too Late to Turn Things Around", Andrea Davis on what to do if you’ve already given a child under 14 a smartphone, or allowed social media before age 16.
- Jon Haidt, After Babel on Substack: "Research-Backed Advice on Screen Policies for Young Kids", Jacqueline Nesi and Cara Goodwin interpret a recent meta-analysis.
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